Pretty Penny Adventures

Hiking to the Red Roof Inn: A Memoir by Ali, Trail Dog Extraordinaire

They call it hiking. I call it dragging the humans up hills while they wheeze and argue about trail names.

Yesterday started with the usual chaos. At 7:00 a.m.—a time only squirrels should be awake—Julie, my human mom, and the snack lady (Tara) decided it was a perfect day to “explore.” I wagged my tail like a good girl, but honestly, I was already suspicious.

We were allegedly going to hike something called the “Upper Dogwood” trail. Great name. I’m a dog. I was in. But spoiler alert: we never actually found it.

Instead, we wandered. Uphill. Side trails. Back trails. At one point, we detoured to something mysteriously named “The Grand Avenue Trail.” Sounds fancy, right? I thought maybe a nice overlook, a scenic bench, a squirrel buffet.

Naturally, the humans found this hilarious. They laughed. A lot. Probably from lack of oxygen.

Then came the realization: we were never on the correct trail. Not even close. But, because the snack lady is obsessed with her GPS, she had dropped a waypoint. Good thing, too—otherwise we’d still be out there, trying to find “Upper Dogwood” or a decent stick.

All told, we hiked over 4 miles. I got zero squirrels, no swim time, and my paw pads are still recovering. But hey, I did get some trail mix out of it (don’t tell the vet), and I suppose not everyone can say they hiked to a Red Roof Inn.

 

Just another chapter in Ali’s Great Big Human-Led Misadventure.